why do serial cheaters want to stay married

She knows men like that about some woman. Marriages only exist because of the level of respect and commitment each partner has for the other. He might have mountains of credit card debt and his house might be littered with doo-dads he does not need. Based on the same study, people who suspected their partner of cheating were four times more likely to suspect their partner in their next relationship. Are they quick to change the subject? Inside The Mind Of A Serial Cheater (And The Truth About Whether Or Not His compliments boosted my ego and confidence, My comments: Red flag 1: you liked him as soon as you met him that screams narcissist- he is a narcissist. Serial infidelity has been correlated with personality disorders. The ow that does this, definitely not stupid by any means, they know exactly what they are doing. He used to tell me she was not very smart, she needed help with everything. Well, if any of you have advice on what me or my husband could do to get her to go away, let me know. 7 Cheaters Talk About What It Feels Like to Cheat - Cosmopolitan What I've discovered is that there are three main reasons why married men say they cheat and yet remain married: 1. She cheated for 15 months behind my back while pregnant all the while pretending our life was normal. A partner who has cheated before is likely to cheat again. Some unfaithful serial cheaters still do love their partners for some reason. You replay loops in your mind, perhaps scenes of what youve discovered, or imagine scenes of what you will discover if you dig deep enough. Listen to your gut. 3. My kids will be taught what an older female colleague told me: When a man at work complains about his marriage, tell him he should be having this conversation with his wife, then walk away. If you had he would be with youNO EXCUSESnot children, not family, not financial obligations, nothing, no one, no how, had you meant a scintilla to him he would have left all that and been with you. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing. Top editors give you the stories you want delivered right to your inbox each weekday. Women and men need to be called out when they behave unprofessionally. Every cheater thinks they are the one who can have an affair with no repercussion or fallout or collateral damage. The lengths that this guy would go to were more skilled than almost anything I had seen or read about. Her h not wanting her anywhere near my h. So for someone that was so smitten though with my h, and expressed to him that she had loved him her whole life, she certainly dropped him from her life for two decades, and she found it so easy to do so. Serial cheaters dont think cheating is as big of a deal as one-time cheaters do. If he wasnt angry, she wouldnt have had you listen, as that doesnt show him as being a bad exh. He does not travel without me and never has. Yet today is the day. This, in my opinion, keeps you too tied to him in your mind. Ahhh but, here is the catch. This is deplorable. Either way, cheating is bad, and I sincerely hope that you never fall victim to a serial cheater. "Women's greatest fear is they'll become bag ladies," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D . Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically some kind of spark is still burning. It's easy to do because they're eerily good at it. I hope your husband has gotten clued in. Regarding what Trying Hard said, its counterintuitive I know, but admitting that you truly meant nothing, or very little , to your AP really gives you your freedom back. Someone who makes a one-time mistake with cheating will show remorse and admit to being wrong, but serial cheaters see no wrong in their behavior. Maybe he never really wanted to get married, and he only did it because its what society expected of him. Please believe what Giz and Sarah P had to tell you about the MM. She wants your life. Still, there are men who hope to stay married because they truly love their wives and want to work things out. Using a licensed therapist as a sounding board as you work your way towards a decision will be the best move you can make in this situation. He said that it wasnt all your fault though which really made me cross. Eyes, I wish we could have a wine too, lol. I think he told you that emotional crap line to make sure you didnt tell his secret. Thats what affairs are, webs of deceit that just grow and grow the longer they allow them to go on. Eyes, you know that I think your just great. Why Women Stay With Men Who Cheat | Everyday Health Maybe they just had the opportunity and decided to go for it. "It might really be just what you want to hear and not the truth," she says. It amazes me how just about every article in the world on affairs always says he did this and he did that. We do things as husband and wife, but I an tell we are not intimately connected. Winters said cheaters will latch onto cutesy nicknames like "baby" and "sweetheart" so that the odds of a slip up are in their favor. They dont think of it as a sinful act theyre doing. So if you notice that your partner is very into themselves, that's a red flag to keep in mind. Married men have affairs for many reasons. But even more, I would say evaluate your marriage and figure out if there are any areas where you can be proactive to ensure it doesnt happen again. December 6, 2019. And Let It Be is a great British song which is always in my head now :-). The truth is, anyone can be unfaithful it just depends on how you define the term. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. My h didnt want to end up alone. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. That was because he knew that one day he would come home and see me and our children gone, I had already made arrangements for a place to stay, which he knew about, so he knew I was dead serious, at nolonger waiting for him to choose his family over her. Lol. I have a question for you if you do not mind. But for a serial cheater, theres only hope to change their mind, and thats fairly rare. What hes learned is most time people have their own agendas and sometimes they are measuring him up on how big a dupe hes going to be. They are just simply enjoying the temporary attraction from the other women and letting the marriage relationship be a permanent one. Parents married til one of them died. Men may also cheat because they lack self-confidence and want the attention. Your story is such a testament to the devastation that affairs cause for all the innocent bystanders who did nothing wrong. I have been writing for online publications for the last five years, using my background in Psychology to understand human nature. This leads to a lot of shame from society. Its normal to ruminate after being cheated on. So one of the facts is theyll go anywhere to find a hookup. You need to focus on yourself and your needs if you wish to remain with this partner. I think he was at least a sociopath. If you've been cheated on, you've probably wondered why your partner made that hurtful decision in the first place. It could seem like the best of both worlds. He sees himself as belonging to a 'dog eats dog world' where no one is loyal. Ohh and she also, had my h listen to one of their conversations on speaker, while she was talking to her exh. But Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) does make someone far more likely than the ordinary person to be unfaithful to their partner. I have observed many a decent woman become temporarily fooled by a married, male narcissist in the office. Coffee Shop Gypsy, Word Practitioner. My hope is that the affair was the catalyst for them to work on a marriage that clearly wasnt dead (as has happened with my h and I ). According to Graber, applying an armchair diagnosis, such as a fear of commitment or a sex addiction is an easy way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. 2) to be happy when seen (she always appeared in a mood with him , fuelling the perception that their relationship was over ) 3) she was aloof on the rare occasions she visited the office it was notable and mentioned by his staff. Oh lucky me! Ever. Even so, he keeps on cheating again and again because of two reasons they cant live without it and they know they can get away with it. Personally I believe its the latter. t to say, they know how to say it, and how to carry themselves so that their body language doesn't give away a lie. He also may feel like a failure and fear everyone else thinking the same. They often struggle with poor impulse control and a lack of personal accountability. In reality, many men stay married after infidelity. Trust in your spouse may be important but that paradigm is forever altered and is unreal. You are far too nice and here is why I say you are too nice: your ex-affair partner has his issues and it is apparent that you feel sorry for him in a way that takes the focus off you having to meet your own needs. The whore playbook seems to tell them to keep pressing until the caves during a weak time in his life. Its hard to find in the real world . You tend to believe that if they dont answer their phone or if they are coming home late, they must certainly be with this other person. So, yes, despite the wifes protestations, and the husbands promises it will stop when finally caught the fact is, it never will stopit will continue until the wife wises up and leaves.. Sodecide to tolerate it and live your life as a lie or, decide to finally take back your life and leave there is no other optionsMihaela, you are truly a fool!!!!! If your partner makes a conscious effort to keep their phone away from you at all times, they might be having an ongoing affair. Serial cheaters like your husband and my ex like cake. He could go to Mcdonalds and find it. Your partner is abusive or controlling. Did his wife ever acknowledge your letter to her? The ap for you, the ow/om for us, although we know they arent worth the time or space in our minds, they have caused so much havoc in our lives, that it is hard for us to truly let go of the thoughts that come to mind, and we end up getting emotionally tired and upset, just wanting them to leave our minds for good. Extra cheating affairs are not a big deal for them to quit a marriage relationship, so they just stay married and enjoy the rest of their life like this. They found that what they term as sexual personality is the most likely factor to increase the likelihood that people will cheat. Lap dances? Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily, Hayley Morris Loves Dressing Up As A Vagina, Thanks For Asking, These People Took Online Dating Off The Apps & Out Of The DMs, Heres How To Use TikToks Love Tester Filter, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. You make a great point about how pigs get a bigger thrill of being in an affair with a non-pig than with a pig. There are no repercussions for his actions, 12. They know that most men want to be a hero, and as long as they show a damsel in distress act, then the man, wont even look at them. It becomes part of the vernacular of the affair. I am an introvert, not really concerned with appearances, grew up with many positive marriage role models, dislike talking on the phone or texting, emailing a lot. Eyes 7.3K Followers. Instead of the women fighting each other, they bond over wine and plot their revenge which includes spiking his drinks with estrogen so that he grows breasts And the reason they haven't usually has to do with pre-judging their wives coupled with a fear of being judged and denied their needs in an unpleasant way. Inability to stop scanning for any new data that might cause more distress. The pig is there wallowing in the mud with other pigs. My h did send his whore a birthday card and trinket along with a card with comment s that will make you blush after he told me he wanted to be married to me. He wants to have it all and he doesnt want to have to choose between his wife and the other woman. Strong, confident folks? But since he was too chicken to man up and put his family first and deal with his mess as soon as he knew it was a mess, here I am. It premiered on TNT on July 12, 2010, and set a record as cable TV's most watched commercial-supported series launch. It cant be possible that the philandering spouse once loved, admired, and cherished you. They seemed like the perfect couple. How do you put a face to infidelity? The disruption of sleep, eating, work, relationships. Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat. Never cared, it wasnt my business. He will perform the most impressive mental acrobatics in order to make it seem as if others are the cause for his terrible behavior. Hah- I have found that HR honchos rarely read or consider anything that is truly useful. (And thats before Karma kicks inwhen Karma starts to do its work watch out!). Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation. If you are in a relationship with a serial cheater, you really need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone that holds any of the above 4 mentalities. His wife should ditch him, in my opinion. Heh heh. Definitely, I know, although they want to act single, they dont want to be alone either. He didnt have to travel in those circles to find his supply. When married couples split up, their friends are more likely to take sides with the wives than the unfaithful men who hurt them. I think I would have been very upset from the get-go as soon as I saw that happening. In order to understand why, we need to understand why married men cheat in the first place. One of the main reasons is Serial Cheaters dont have any backup or exit plan to divorce their partner cause they never thought of getting caught. I warned my husband but she was relentless so I fired her and am glad I did. You begin to distrust your own sense of reality. The cheating is serial or a pattern of behavior. Host of The Pondering Stepmom Podcast. Heres the mistake that the wife made. They take his jovial-ness personally while ignoring all of the times he talks about being happily married. EOs MM had cheated before. He wasnt a thief or beater,either. "This is a huge habit for a serial cheater because it helps their guilty conscious," Ricciardi says. Do cheaters regret what they did? : r/Divorce - reddit.com He quit for two years, and I was very happy. Re-Think your shit before you write it. Anyone can be unfaithful, but while you shouldn't necessarily base your judgments off of the stereotypical cheats you see depicted in Hollywood, there are some common personality traits cheaters share. They will not only give you a meaningful apology, but will do their best to prove to you that they can be a devoted partner. We are older with grown children, I know if I was younger he would be gone!! He would mock my introversion and then give examples of extroverted women he admired. I still remember the wise words my h said right at the beginning, when the ap and I had to continue to work together. And what's most heartbreaking about these statistics is, of those who had been cheated on and found out about it, most probably never saw it coming at least, not until it was too late. But the next time we feel less bad and so on, with the result that we can commit adultery to a greater extent, co-author of the study, Neil Garrett, told Elite Daily. One-time cheaters will care more about their partner's feelings and reactions. Cheaters become addicts, and just like my friend John the crackhead and how he remembered the exhilaration of the high of the drug and just couldnt resist going back to the gutter, the OW may be out of their life and tossed to the curb like yesterdays trash, they will always remember the exhilaration of the high they get.